


Am I to be

by Beckily



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-20 17:01:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11925270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beckily/pseuds/Beckily
Summary: I remember dying. I remember enjoying my afterlife.Now I've been pulled into Thedas where I cannot be seen, heard, or touched.Am I to be a ghost, then? In a world where spirits are seen and heard?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hopefully updated weekly. I will update tags as they're needed.

I wonder what it'd take to surprise me at this point.

I died. I remember it. It hurt and it was terrifying. 

I spent some time in a nice place after that. It was whatever I wanted it to be. I spoke with other beings there. I was happy.

And then I was ripped from there, violently. 

I watched my friend - my sweet, wonderful friend - transform into something unrecognizable, something terrifying.

I ran.

So here I am. Sitting on the floor in a tavern listening to Varric Tethras as he spins his tales.

Three people have walked through me to get to the door. The first one freaked me out, I have to say. The second was a confirmation that yes, people can walk through me. The third, I made sure to pay attention, wanting to see if I could see inside their bodies as they went. But no, it's just dark. Too bad.

At first I tried to talk to people. They didn't see me. They didn't hear me. Then I saw Varric and just followed him here. 

Varric Tethras. 

And I can't mold this reality. I've been trying. I think he's real. I think this is real. Am I real? What am I? In the game, you obviously could see the demons, but you could also see the spirits. There was the spirit of Wisdom and the spirit of Command. 

“Varric, you are handsome. And charming. I was so disappointed that you were around for two games and I never even got to kiss you.”

He didn't react, of course.

Sigh.

I leave the tavern feeling pretty helpless. Was this to be my existence? Cursed to know the future, to love the people, but helpless to warn anyone?

Cullen walks by then, and I follow him. Might as well. He heads into a small cabin and I slip in right behind him. Inside it's tidy and has a fire going. As soon as the door closes behind him, he slouches and rubs his hands over his face roughly. He stays like that for a bit, just holding his face. 

There's a knock at the door and he opens it, retrieving a tray of food from an elven woman. He puts this on the small table and starts removing his armor.

I should probably feel embarrassed or like I was intruding but honestly? After the day I've had, I just grin and sit down to watch.

He doesn't strip all the way, sadly. Just to plain clothes before sitting to eat his dinner.

“You're a complex one, Rutherford. I've gotten to watch you grow up, kind of. Sweet Templar, broken man, frightened man. But you turned out okay. I'm proud of you. I hope you stay off the lyrium.”

He finishes his dinner and sits for a bit again, silently.

Another knock and he trades his tray of dishes for a pot of steaming water.

He latches his door this time puts the pot on his table and starts undressing.

Oh.

Ethical quandary.

I mean, I've had a really shitty day. This would certainly cheer me up.

There go his pants.

Oh.

Well. I mean. He's naked already, the damage is done, right? It's only his backside. 

In the firelight. 

Dripping with water. 

And that soap smells amazing.

No! He would be so upset.

I turn around. 

How do I get out, anyway? People walk through me, can I walk through doors? That'd be fucking handy. Especially if I could communicate.

I climb onto Cullen's bed. I climb back off. I look at it intensely and walk into it. Through it. Cullen's bed, I am in you. 

And then, of course, Cullen crawls through me to lay down. Through me. Am I in him or is he in me? He got dressed, at least, in plain breeches and a shirt. 

He smells delicious.

I climb up to lay beside him. Feels much less weird.

I watch him fall asleep. I'm such a creep.

I do, at least, spend the time contemplating my future. Am I to be a pervy ghost? Should I try to go back to what I now know was the Fade?

It's dim in here, the banked fire not casting a lot of light, but I don't need to see to notice when his sleep starts being less than restful. He's frowning, starting to toss and turn.

“Cullen, love, you're safe.” I have to try. I try to exude calm and reassurance, maybe he can feel my feelings, or whatever.

“Shh, shh.. you're safe, love.” I stroke his face. 

And then he leans in, pressing his face into my hand. 

“Whoa. Okay. I've got you, Cullen. You're safe. I won't let them touch you.”

And he calms. And settles back to peaceful sleep.

I run my fingers through his hair, thinking.

I guess this means I'm real.


	2. Chapter 2

I go through a few days being curious. I follow people. I comfort people. I try to figure out the rules of my existence. 

But it drags on me. I'm lonely. They can't hear me except as a gentle whisper while they sleep. When they hear me, they can feel me. It's an interesting phenomenon. Like a faery, where lack of belief actually matters to my existence.

I've yet to have someone be able to interact with me around an awake person to test my visibility, but hopefully someday. I've got nothing but time.

But then some asshole walks through me again and I just…

Snap.

I don't bother yelling anything aimed at him, because he doesn't matter. It's all of them. It's none of them. It's this half-existence. It's the loss of my friend, the loss of my peaceful afterlife. Hell, also, I DIED and I find that objectionable.

I yell obscenities until they feel insufficient and I just start screaming.

No one reacts. Someone actually walks through me. Again. I throw my shoes at her, sobbing. Then I start laughing. I throw my shirt at the next person, and then throw all my clothes and run through Haven cackling with laughter, naked, running through every person I see.

Then I run out the gates, through the soldiers and into the lake. 

I lay at the bottom of the lake, calming down. It's really beautiful, I enjoy the way the light moves through the ice and the water.

I stay there a long time.

\--

I go to the tavern again. Naked. I did look for my clothes, but they weren't anywhere. I wonder if they were real enough that someone found them and took them or if they ceased to be without me to power them or something. I tried to will myself dressed, but that doesn't work. 

Consequences, kids. Even when you're dead.

No Varric this time, but Sera is there. And Krem. 

I sit on the big keg in the corner. Best seat in the house!

No one says anything about a naked woman running through town. I'm disappointed and relieved. The time to become visible is when I'm behaving rationally, after all.

Still.

\--

I decide to leave for awhile. I'm curious about this world. I leave with a group of soldiers heading for the Hinterlands with a wagon of supplies. 

It's beautiful. The air is so clean. 

I spot a nug and am curious so I hop off the wagon to follow it. We spend the day wandering. It digs and eats and naps. I walk and sing and watch. It's peaceful. It's perfect. 

I name him Dunegan. He is my friend.

Eventually we come across a fennec. I say goodbye to Dunegan and follow the fennec.

The fennec I name Samwise. I tell him all about his namesake. He chases butterflies.

I spend days like this. I follow one thing after another, cycling through nocturnal and diurnal animals. 

A lot of days. And then I realize I have no idea where I am, but I'm happy.

I come to a road and follow it.


	3. Chapter 3

When I find the Inquisition again, they're at Skyhold. I followed various groups on my way. People think well of the Inquisitor, she's doing good work. And is, apparently, the Adaar Inquisitor. I always find non-human heros satisfying.

I get to Skyhold at night, so I decide to check in on Cullen. His office is, luckily, easy to find. Skyhold is much bigger than the game showed, but his office was still pretty much where I expected it to be.

He really does have a hole in his roof. I roll my eyes, but curl up with him, anyway.

“Hello, darling! Miss me?” He is a very inconsiderate conversationalist, as always. Sleeping away. I pet his hair and tell him of my adventures. 

He sleeps peacefully through the night. And into the morning. Late enough that Cassandra comes up to check on him.

“Cullen.”

He blinks awake. Relaxed enough to not startle. Yeah, I'm awesome!

“Cassandra?”

“I was worried, the men are already doing drills.”

“What?” He scrubs his hands over his face and starts getting up. “No, I just… slept really well.”

She smiles. “Good. You needed it. Take your time, get breakfast. Your officers are handling everything. I will see you later.”

I kiss the top of his head and follow her out. 

There are a lot of people here. I follow Cassandra through her own drills and rounds. She doesn't talk much, but I don't see anyone reacting negatively to her. She's respected and respectful, nodding to everyone, not just humans.

She eats lunch in the main hall, reading a book. 

After lunch, we go to the War Room. Leliana is already there, and Josephine comes in with us. 

I greet them. “Good morning, ladies! You are looking sharp today. All fresh faced, ready to save the world.” 

They greet each other and talk quietly.

I have discovered that I'm a terrible listener. If I listen, I want to talk. It's frustrating, so I just watch people and talk to people, but I don't listen a lot. This is probably a moral failing on my part. Eh.

“Do you ever regret telling the world about Andraste’s ashes, I wonder. Maybe the Conclave could have been somewhere less frozen. Maybe somewhere that would have been around enough people that the Red Templars couldn't have burned you out so easily without warning. And, hey, the ashes wouldn't have been destroyed. I wonder how many people got to see them. Did the Divine?”

I stare at Leliana for a bit, watching her face. She looks sad. “My husband romanced you. I never could, you were silly. But you weren't silly, were you? It's sad, though, that you've been beaten down so thoroughly.”

Cullen joins us, and then Solas.

“Thank you for coming, Solas,” greets Leliana. He nods, looking all humble.

“Can't have a proper meeting without an an ancient Elvhen rebel, can you?”

Wait. 

He's looking at me. Not reacting. He can see that no one is reacting, but he is looking at me.

“We read your report on Veil strength through the Hinterlands,” Josephine was talking. I couldn't look away from Solas. “Is there a way that we could better find these Veil strengthening devices?”

“Yes. I will write instructions for you on how to find likely areas. Mages should be able to learn how to feel for them, but anyone can find them if they know where to search.”

“Thank you. That was all.”

He nodded again and I followed him out.

He ignored me, and I didn't bother speaking. He either knew I was there and had a plan, or I got to follow him around and that's always interesting.

He went to the tavern, which was strange, but less so when he went to the top level and found Cole.

“Hopeful. Afraid to hope. ‘Can they see me? Am I real?’ Yes.”

“Indeed. Will you join us, Cole? In my room, I think.”

Cole disappears.

I follow Solas to a room off the garden. Cole is there as soon as the door closes behind us.

“You both can see me?”

“Yes. Like a flicker at the edge of my vision. I see you but it as if you're just beyond my sight.”

I frown. “So no details, just a.. flicker?”

He smirks. “You are a naked woman with light hair and pale skin. I cannot see details like your eye color, though.”

I laugh and shimmy. Solas grins.

“You died. Then you were happy. You know us.” Cole doesn't care about shimmies.

“I do, in fact. This world is a game in my world. We follow the story, we get to chose what happens, even who the hero will be. So that I'm here is fucking weird.”

Solas frowns. “I would imagine. You know what's going to happen?”

“Eh. I know what _could_ happen. The Inquisitor could have been male, female, dwarf, human, elf, or kossith. Mage, rogue, or warrior. Gone with mages or Templars. Have a romantic relationship with you, or a friendship, or hate you and actually punch you. They could keep Cole or send him away.”

“Romantic.. what? No.”

I laugh. “Oh, yes. Only with a female elf. Which I found strange, actually. You're immortal, would you really only sleep with women?”

“I.. no. I wouldn't, but with an elf from these times?”

“Dalish,” I say with relish.

His face is wonderful. “I.. Only me?”

“Oh, no. Bull will sleep with anyone if he likes them, Sera with women, Josephine with anyone, Cassandra with men, Dorian with men, Blackwall with women, Cullen with elven or human women, you with elven women.”

“I see. This is strange. Where are you from?”

“Earth. I died, then I guess I went to the Fade? I was happy. I had friends. Spirits, I guess. Then one day we were torn from my home. My friend turned into a demon. I ran and found Haven.”

“And no one can see you?”

“When they sleep. You comfort, care, caress. 'I won't let them hurt you.’”

“Yes. They can hear me when they sleep. They can feel me, lean into my hands.”

“Fascinating. And you've been with us since Haven?”

“'Why can't you hear me? Don't walk through me! I'm here! I'm real!’ Your pants were only real when they were with you.”

I laughed. “I had a bit of a breakdown. People kept walking through me. I, uh.. threw all my clothes at them and went screaming through town. You must have been out.”

“Ah. Yes, apparently,” He looks amused.

“I only just came back. I was off for awhile. Coming to terms with.. all this. I stayed with Cullen last night. He sleeps when I'm there, but not well when I'm not. Then I followed Cassandra.”

“Then welcome back.”

“Thank you! It will be better with people to talk to,” I settled on his bed, facing him. “Now. Tell me your life story.”

He laughed. And then did.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I got a bit unstuck! Hopefully it's okay. <3

After kissing Cullen goodbye the next morning, another night well slept, I head out to find Cole. He is waiting for me in the middle of the practice yard.

“Good morning, Cole!”

“Good morning! You want to help.”

“I really do. I'll follow you today, see if you can get better ideas on what I'm able to do.”

We spend the day listening. He can hear their hurts, and I can provide some ideas of how he can help that might be better received. 

He brings me to the infirmary where he helps me clean. Sometimes the best help is basic hygiene. I make a note to come by regularly to do this, since it's certainly not a one time fix. Cole has to do most if it, my physicality is frequently iffy. It's fun, though. It feels so amazing to have someone to talk to. Someone who talks back.

We check in with Solas after the infirmary. I worry the conversation will sound strange, but he's skilled enough to not sound like he's talking to an invisible person. His normal conversation with Cole is confusing enough so people are used to not being quite able to follow. I hope.

We can't talk much because of the people nearby, but he does mention that the kitchen would likely be in need of cleaning as well. Can do.

Body tasks take so much time, and you don't realize this when you have them because it's just normal. There is so much time to fill when you don't get tired, sore, or hungry. Especially when there's only two people who can see you, and you can't read the writing. 

I get a lot of practice interacting with physical objects over the next weeks. I come in when no one is around to clean, sanitize, organize. Not at night, I spend my nights with Cullen, but there are always pockets of time in the day when no one is about.

The nights, though, are getting easier. As if Cullen is getting used to being safe, he's sleeping better and better, without intervention  
This is wonderful for him, but does start to drag on for me. 

One night, it starts raining. I'm curled up with him, petting his hair, wattching puddles form. Ridiculous. There's a pile of lumber on the floor. I look between it and the ceiling, thinking.

I sigh.

I pull up the ladder, slowly so I don't wake him up, and move it to the wall near the hole closest to his bed and start hauling boards up to the roof. When they're all up, peak down to check Cullen. Still asleep. Huh.

I lay the boards out in position, covering the holes as well as I can. I can't hammer, obviously, but this is better than nothing.

I have to climb down the ladder though the boards I just laid out, which always feels weird, but then, as I start to move the ladder back to where it goes, I accidentally bang it. Cullen wakes up. If he can't see me, he'll just see this ladder standing in the middle of his room. Not good.

I stay very still, I hoping he'll not be awake enough to think, and that he'll go back to sleep. 

Of course, he doesn't.

“Who are you? What are you doing here?”

He.. can see me?

I let go of the ladder in my shock and it bangs in the floor.

“Where.. where did you go? What magic is this?”

I drop through the floor and run.

\--  
It becomes a thing. Of course it does. Everyone is trying to figure out who was in the Commander's bedroom at night. Solas and Cole also tell me there's some confusion over what I was doing there. I guess naked women don't generally sneak around fixing roofs. Probably. They should. It'd let me off the hook.

“Should.. should we tell him?” I ask Solas after he and Cole give me the general read of the situation.

“Hm. Possibly. It'd-” he is interrupted by a knock. 

“Solas?”

“Yes, Inquisitor?”

“Have you seen Cole? We were hoping to see if he could read the ladder or something.”

I snicker. “That might do it. 'Puddles on the floor, why are there holes here? Must protect the room from self-flagellating Commanders.'”

Solas looks amused. “Not a bad idea,” he raised his voice, “Yes, we'll be right there, Inquisitor.”

I stay where they leave me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently I forgot to post this.. Sorry!

I was summoned to a meeting in the War Room. 

Kind of. Cole popped in and told me that they were meeting to talk about the.. me issue. So I go, because I'm terribly curious.

It's an unsurprising group. The Advisors, the Inquisitor, Dorian, Solas, and Cole.

“No Vivienne?” Cullen asks my question for me.

“No. As firm as she is on her opinion of Cole, I figured we could take her opinion of something even weirder as read and save the time.” The Inquisitor shrugs.

Solas and Dorian both look amused.

“So, what do we know?” Leliana asks.

“I awoke to see a.. woman, holding a ladder near my bed. When I spoke, she startled, dropped the ladder, and was gone. She had, apparently, been fixing my roof.”

Dorian smirked. “You know you have a problem when even ghosts decide you can't take care of yourself.”

“Is it a ghost?” Josephine inquires.

“Not a traditional ghost.” Solas starts.

“He is treasured, comforted, recovering, but the rain comes. ‘He doesn't care for himself, so I will do it for him.’”

I snort. “That's certainly nicer than I'd say it, Cole.”

Solas keeps a pretty straight face, but his eyes are smiling.

“I was able to feel no spirits or Fade energy. I'm unfamiliar with any entity that can act as this one did, but not use any type of magic.” Dorian stated.

“What did she look like?” Asks the Inquisitor.

Again, Solas’ eyes light up with amusement, waiting for Cullen's answer.

Cullen blushed. “It was dark, and I only had a moment before she disappeared..”

“Why are you blushing?” Leliana never gives anyone a break.

“I.. she.. looked human? About average height, strong body. Light hair?”

“What was she wearing?” Asks Solas, because he's an ass. “Maybe we can identify her origins.”

Cullen coughs. “Nothing.”

Dorian barks a laugh. “Only you would have a strange naked spirit fixing your roof in the middle of the night!”

Cullen groans and buries his face in his hands. 

“She won't hurt you. She guards you. Since Haven, she keeps you safe through the night so that you can get better. She loves you.”

I wince. Cullen blanches.

“I said it wrong. Wait-”

I step forward and pick up the map. Suddenly everyone is reacting, reaching for weapons, swearing. I put it back down and move to the corner.

“She's here! That was her. Where did she go?”

“Cole. Tell them to calm down.”

“She asks that you calm down.” Cole says.

“You can hear her?” Snaps Leliana.

He nods. “I can see her as well. She wanted to get our attention, so that she could speak.”

They all frown. Dorian has his eyes shut, concentrating. “I still feel nothing. What is she, Cole?”

“I am dead,” Cole repeats what I say. “I died in another world, and ended up in your Fade. I was pulled through a rift when the Conclave exploded. I found Haven, and discovered that no one could see or hear me, except in their sleep. I comfort people when they have nightmares. I left for a time, I was sad. When I came back, you were at Skyhold. I still comfort at night, and help in other ways during the day. I only want to help. Until maybe I can go back to the Fade. But I don't want to go until the rifts are gone and it's safe.”

“Why have you been with our Commander?” Leliana demands. “What do you want from him?”

Ah. She must have been there when they found him during the Blight. 

“I want him to have peace. I am not asking anything of him. I am not tricking him. I sing to him. I rub his head. I tell him he is safe. The first night I came back, he slept so well Cassandra came to check on him.”

“Maker, all this time?” Cullen looks conflicted. “I.. have slept better. I've been feeling better because of it.”

“You said you do other things?” Asks Josephine.

“I am learning to interact with solid objects. It's difficult. I clean the medical equipment, when no one is around. It helps cut down infection rates. I do the same in the kitchen. I watch people who seem shifty, and tell Cole if they need dealt with.”

Leliana's eyes light up. “Can you speak directly?”

I hesitate, then pull Cole's hat off his head. They all startle again, and look at me. “Can you hear me?”

“We can.” Cullen eyes me. “You can only be seen or heard when holding something?”

I shrug. “Apparently.”

“So maybe if we got you some clothes, you'd be almost normal?” Dorian smiles.

“Ha. It has been a long time since I had clothes.”

But then the hat fell through my hand, and - I blinked. The room was empty. It was dark. Apparently hours had passed.

Damn it.


	6. Chapter 6

I went looking for Solas. I didn't want to knock and attract notice so I just stuck my head though the door. He was reading in bed by magelight.

“Solas? Can we talk?”

He looked up and smiled, setting aside his book. “Yes, of course. It is good to see you're back.”

“Yeah. Apparently I.. lost some time?”

He nodded. “You disappeared. We checked as much as we could, but of course you're not traceable the way a spirit is.”

“How long was I gone?”

“The meeting was three days ago.”

I blinked. “What?”

“You came here just after waking?”

“I.. yes. That's a long time. Why would that have happened? I've interacted with a ton of stuff before now.”

“You have, yes. With things, not people. The only people to have consciously interacted with you are Cole and myself, yes? Cole is a spirit and I, while not a spirit, am also not quite the same as the people in that room.”

“Huh,” I paused to consider. “So they're.. like.. like how Templars enforce reality with their powers? More fixed?”

“They are. I don't know for sure if that's what caused you to go, though.”

“Yeah. Being physical is pretty touch and go, but losing time is new.”

“If you would like to try to meet with them again, we could test it. They have decided that for the time being, you can continue as you have been. The Commander was embarrassed, but unable to wish away any help with his nightmares.”

“I don't, really. I saw Leliana. She was certainly seeing some uses for someone undetectable.”

He smirked. “Absolutely. You aren't eager to start your life as a spy?”

I frowned. “No. Is that bad? I know I could probably help in ways that no one else safely could.”

“So could I. When you offer to help, you do not have to do every possible helpful activity. People are allowed to choose what they offer to others. So are you.”

“Thank you. A better functioning Commander, and less infection and food poisoning are helpful. And also roofs.”

He laughed. “Yes, his roof has been fixed appropriately, though he's requested clear glass windows to replace his current ones. He liked the openness.”

\---

When I joined Cullen that evening, he was sitting up in bed looking deep in thought. I went close.

“This feels awkward now, somehow.”

I went back to the ladder and lifted it slightly, he jerked his head up when I appeared, and I dropped it quickly.

“Ah. You're here. Hello.” He ran his fingers through his hair and laughed awkwardly. “I'm not sure if it was better not knowing for sure.”

I hesitated, but walked to him and stood in front of him. I combed my fingers through his hair and he burst out laughing. I jerked back.

“Sorry. It's just, I could see you a little? Not as well as when you hold things, very faint, but suddenly your.. uhm. Breasts were right in my face.”

I burst out laughing. I'd stopped thinking about my nudity, but that was hilarious. I crouched down to be at eye level and ran my fingers through his hair again, grinning.

His eyes suddenly focused on my face and he grinned, too. “Hello.” He followed the line of my arms with his eyes. “My hair, huh?”

I shrugged and motioned with my chin for him to get into bed. It was late. 

“Yes, mother.”

He curled up in bed and I curled up in my normal spot beside him. 

“Good night. And thank you. For helping me.”


	7. Chapter 7

The blanking spells continued. It was hard to tell at first, because Cole and Solas were out in the field frequently and they are the only people I talk to during the day. I started to realize that the days seemed oddly short and had a suspicion that something was happening, but didn’t get confirmation until I showed up on what I thought was a day like the last few to a startled Cullen.

“You’re back!” He smiled, but looked concerned.

I was confused. “Back? Yes, like every night?”

He shook his head. “No, you’ve been missing for weeks. You haven’t been here, and you haven’t been doing your cleaning at all. I know it’s not uncommon for you to not see me every night, but when it’d been a week, I worried. I’ve written to Solas, but he won’t be back for a few days yet.”

“I..” This wasn’t good. “I realized I was losing what I thought were small chunks of time. I.. I thought I was with you every night.”

“Oh!” He looked startled and paused. “ We should keep track, then, so we have more information to give Solas. We.. we don't know what you are, really, so I don’t know how much we can do..”

“No, I understand. It.. doesn’t hurt or anything. I just seem to cease existing. Maybe.. A paper? In the place I go, I can make a mark when I show up and a different one when I leave. You can write the days and mark every day when I didn’t sign in..?”

He nodded. “That’s simple enough.”

“Alright! Well, whatever day this is, you look terrible. To bed with you.”

He grinned and yawned. “Yes, mother. I have definitely missed you.”

\---

But I wasn’t there when Solas got back. Apparently I wasn’t there again for months. When I _was_ again, I was in the library. It was night (it had been daytime last I knew), and I looked around carefully. Two more panels were done on Solas’ fresco. I went to find Cole, but couldn’t. He must be gone. I checked Solas’ room, but he was also gone. I went to Cullen.

He was in the middle of a nightmare, so I rushed to him, shushing him, saying calming nonsense and gathering him in my arms.

“No! No, leave me!” He cried out and flailed himself awake, pulling away from me.

“Shh, Cullen, it’s just me!”

“You-! You’re... “ He panted, rubbing his face and trying to reorient himself to reality. “You’ve been gone for months! We could find any trace.”

“I realized. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to.”

“No, of course you don’t. I’m so sorry. Are you… are you frightened?”

Am I? I thought about it for a bit.

“No. I’m already dead. I don’t really want to be like this forever. I like helping, but I liked being in the Fade more.”

He nodded, then got up and started stripping his bed - his sheets were soaked with sweat.

“Maybe we should try to get you back there?”

Do I want to go back to the Fade? Would it even be safe? Maybe, if I went somewhere far enough away from this mess.

“Yeah. I think I’d like that.”

“I’ll write to Solas tomorrow. Hopefully the next time you two are together, he’ll have some kind of plan.”

“That sounds perfect.”

\---

I was around for weeks straight after that. Cullen got caught up on sleep, I got back to cleaning (though the normal cleaners had starting doing a more thorough job, missing me when I was gone).

And then Solas and Cole were back, and we three secluded ourselves in Solas’ room to catch up and compare notes.

“You’re trying to go back. You came here by mistake, and your reality is wanting you back.” Cole kept his head lowered so I couldn't see his face.

“My reality? Why would it want me back?”

“You have another role to play. It’s alright. You won’t remember.”

“Another role..? Okay.. so I should..? What should I do, Cole?”

“You’ll go. It was a mistake. You found a space and slipped through. Always curious, seeking dreams.”

I laughed. “And here I thought I was pulled here for a reason. Isn’t that always a way. You find yourself in a situation worthy of a story but then you realize that there is no overarching plot. Just a series of strange situations that can end at any moment.”

Solas smiled. “That is one way to see it. But your coming here has brought comfort to many. Some would find that a worthy task, maybe one brought through fate.”

“Some would. It was amazing meeting all of you, absolutely. And helping.”

“You won’t come back again. You’re thinning.” Cole tilted back his hat to look me in the face.

I nodded. “I understand. Well. Then I should say goodbyes while I’m here since I won’t know when I’m not.”

“That would be wise.”

“Darling Cole. You are a light in this dark world. I mean, to some. Not so much to the people you kill, but they’re generally assholes, as Bull says.”

He smiled. “Yes, you may kiss me.”

I laughed and did so. His lips were cool and soft. “Thank you.”

I turned to Solas. “You, my Dread Wolf.. there’s so much. I am grateful for the time you have given me, and the stories. Getting your side to things.. It helps. I don’t know the answers, or the right way, but I value your kindness and understanding.”

He smiled. “I have enjoyed you as well. Do I also get a kiss?”

“Absolutely!”

His lips were warm and lush. When I pulled away, I was panting. “Well. I mean. I guess you’ve had some time to practice that. Which. Yup. So. Thank you. And. I’m going to go now.”

Solas laughed, bright and full.

I ran through the wall, laughing too.

I got a big hug and kiss goodbye from Cullen and then spent the evening in the Herald’s Rest watching Bull and Dorian flirt, listening to Varric tell stories.

I didn’t disappear that night, or the next. I was around for weeks, in fact. 

Life isn’t a story. Stories are just the fascinating bits of a life, told from one perspective. I’ll never know how mine even ends, but I think that it was a good one. I lived, I died, I helped. And once, I even joyfully lept from the railing of Liliana’s Crow Palace down onto the desk of Fen’Harel, making him flail and fall over out of his chair.

And it was worth everything, watching him laying on the floor laughing helplessly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I finished it! I hope you guys like it okay.   
> I don't love this chapter, but I've really struggled with this story. I didn't want to leave you guys hanging. I might try again some day. I like the idea and my writing will be better in the future.  
> Thank you for support! I literally would have given this up a year ago without you guys <3
> 
> I like the point, though, that you don't need to be part of an overarching plot. There didn't need to be a point. Just showing up when you can and helping as you're comfortable helping touches lives and matters.


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